Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
