Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
