it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
