1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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