4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
