ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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