I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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