My underwear smells like fireworks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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