just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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