Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
