i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
