There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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