we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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