If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
