I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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