Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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