In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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