i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
