I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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