I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
