Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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