the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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