went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
