Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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