Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
50% drunk capacity currently
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
