I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't put those talents on a resume
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
