If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
