i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
