i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
