they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
