No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
