Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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