my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
