just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize