I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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