Your face is a jimmy john
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
