I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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