I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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