lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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