Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
