Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
