Your tits are I can't wait for
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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