am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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