gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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