Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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