party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
