you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
