32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I looked at my own cervix.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
