I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
