he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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