I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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