why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
