Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
