Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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