I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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