my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
