I CAN MOONWALK!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
