i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
