Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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