I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
