At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
