Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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