I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
