i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
