If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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