Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
