if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
